Friday, 11 April 2014

Can a woman have it all???

For someone, who works in a women empowerment docket that advocates the unleashing and maximizing of human potential, sometimes i am tempted to think that nature has really short changed us, women. Or so i have been thinking, after one of my women challenged my training and my stand as a Mijikenda role model for young girls!

I have been told over and over again that i talk too much! Of course i don't agree...heheheh! Believe me if i could tell you the things that i stop myself from saying, then you would agree that relatively i talk very little. Very very little!

That aside. The woman forced me to start thinking. About life. The life of a woman. And the expectations of society. And her dreams.

They say, reach for your dreams, go for it. There is nothing you can not do. And they get you all excited.

You grow up, go to school, graduate, get a job and a man. You are in your late twenties...the time is ticking and biology waits for no woman. This is your life.

You are supposed to get married, have babies, be an awesome wife, and the best mother in the world and adopt a whole other family that you will likely have to run. This is society's expectations.

And then there is your dreams; you want to conquer the  world, (Read, advance your education, go up the corporate ladder, venture into business, and also throw in a little bit of changing the world.) And you have it all planned out so clearly, because you have been taught to believe with all your heart that you are destined for great things.

And you are supposed to juggle it all.

What they do not tell you is that this system, this whole plan more often than not, does not work out so well.
And what is just disheartening for me, is that i am yet to come across a woman who has successfully juggled these three aspects of her life and lived to tell of it. 

History tells that, at some point, a woman just has to compromise. You just can not have it all! No matter how you look at it, either way, you just gotta give something. And i think it rather sad!

I remember my bushman lecturer in campus telling of evolution theories that painted the woman as the weaker and disadvantaged sex. In my opinion, then, i thought him (and the thinkers) crude, old fashioned and insulting.
I mean, how could that be? I strongly believed, and i still do, that there is no height or depth that a woman can not reach. I have seen it.

However, fast track three years down the line and i am at a cross road! And even worse, i have no response to the challenge an old woman expects an answer to.

Truth be told, beneath it all,  most of us are simple girls who are conservative enough to believe in marriage and family, and yet modern enough to believe in having a career and attaining self-actualization. And most of us want it all.

But after lengthy lectures from my rural women proving the contrary, i find myself wondering, is it really true that we can not have it all?

I mean, seriously, is life orchestrated in a way that either way, a woman just can not win???!

And if we can, can someone please share the secret?!!! Because i seriously need a solid answer to preach to to these old women and young girls that are eagerly waiting to hear from me very very soon.
 And i plan nail it right on the head!


Friday, 4 April 2014

Cheers to Birthdays, and Mamas!!!


A very early Happy, Birthday shout to me! 

I am officially in the late twenties bracket this month, yap late twenties. I know, I know, it feels old, and really grown up. And serious.
And it makes my stomach warm and squirmy. And I  don’t know why really, but it scares the hell out of me!

And it is on days like today that I really long for my Mum! Because of all things that my mama could do, the best was knowing how to make us feel better. Always!

I know today would have been an amazing day, if she were around. 

 She would have laughed and joked around about how old I am making her look. 
Am sure she would have made some impulsive decision to go eat out. Or better yet, she would have asked me to prepare things for her to make me her infamous Biriani,  and we would have had soda! Oh yeah, there had to be plenty of soda. With my Mum, it was never a celebration without soda. Ooh, how I miss that.

I am pretty sure she would have danced around to that 'Tobina' song, as she claimed that she was saved now and should dance only to Christian music. Hahahah!
She would have laughed. Laughed so hard and loud, as she made fun of how I cannot dance to save my life. :-)
And then asked my sister to join her in showing me how to move to the rhythm.
And they would dance for me, because of me.

And she would tell me stories of how when I was born, I had the tiniest nose and mouth, that she had asked the doctor if I was going to be able to breath!
Or how my aunt accidentally sat on me when I was a week old and how I got lost once when I was around five years.
Or how I grew a tooth in the middle of my upper jaw when I was seven, and how she woke up at night and found me asleep under the bed one night when I was just six months! (I like to believe that these stories were made up just to make me feel special.., if not, then i must have been such a weird baby!)

And eventually, she would have found a reason to call our dad, who would then be forced to wish me a happy birthday. Even sing it, if my Mum insisted. :-)

And I would feel special. 

With her, nothing was impossible, she made life seem so easy. You know, like it is all about waking up every morning and painting your colorful mark on this earth. It was so simple.

 Well, she is not around though. 

So today i pay my tribute to the Woman who single handedly held my world intact, my first love, the person who impacted in me courage and taught me that nothing is ever that bad, the one who i would literally do anything to see her face one more time today...

As i turn a year older, i want to take this opportunity to celebrate my mama for the amazing woman she was, and to remember the good moments we had.

Because honestly, i think birthday celebrations should be for mothers.  It is because of her sacrifice that i stand here today.

Like her, i want to laugh,  i want to embrace life and move with it, to live like i am dying this very moment, so that when my time comes, i am completely wasted! 

After all, i am my mother's daughter!
Thumbs up to you Mama!!! ;-) 

You are dearly missed. Beyond words! <3 <3 <3