The Musings of Kajuzi!

Well there are some pretty interesting things that have happened to me the last six months that I think are worth mentioning; First- The hullabaloos of a final year university student that come as a result of the fear of facing the unknown. For me, I had it all worked out. The plan was I was to apply to all the top notch employers in Nairobi, do my final exams in June and then ship myself to my boyfriends safe haven where I was going to lounge and wait for whoever wanted to employ me to call. I wanted the fast paced classy high life and damn I was going to do all it takes to get it.   I thought this was a perfect plan…, however life had something else in store for me! Second-By April I had been called for interviews by the top graduate employers and my hopes were flying high. By the time I was sitting my last paper, I had a job waiting for me, though not what I had expected, but something nonetheless. I counted myself lucky and blessed, and indeed I was. Third- the shift to M

I just buried my mum two days ago...and it seems so unreal. I cant believe she is gone. All her dreams, her hope, her plans.., i cant believe are all gone. It is just so sad that she will not be there when i get married, that she will not hold her grandchildren, that she will not see my sister graduate and become a woman. At times i wish i had given birth at 21, just so that she could hold my baby in her arms. It is just dawning on me how much i had built and planned my life around her. And now that she is gone, i do not know where to start. My career, my job, my relationships, my hopes, my dreams...were all centered on her. Now i question what meaning life has...and what all these things mean to me without her. Maybe i should just pack and leave...to a different job, relationship, town, country and life all together to find myself. And as all these motions overwhelm me, i cant help my anger towards God. I do not question His existance at all, infact if this period has taught me anyt

Shopping for coffins.., that is one of the things that i never ever imagined myself doing. But today, i went shopping for coffins. Specifications; white, beautiful, comfortable and elegant, to begin with. That describes her to a T. You will be surprised the varieties people have to choose from.., what they do to your pockets, is a different story.  In the midst of all this, all i could think of was how my Mama loved to look beautiful and young. I remember as we celebrated her 50th birthday, how she said she felt like she was 28 years even though she had just turned 50 in an ICU bed. We all laughed, then. But i knew she meant it. She was always young at heart.., full of energy and hope. She always gave people the benefit of doubt, and would always return good for evil. She genuinely laughed and was never a pretender. My mama loved life.., and put up a hell of a fight to have it.   So as we shopped for her clothes, coffins and accessories, my focus was to make her look beautiful. But

I have not had enough sleep the past three days...trying to raise half a million shillings. Mmmh, thinking of it now, i wonder what was going through the minds of people i was asking to assist me in this. Well, i guess most knew that we were fighting a losing battle..,just that they could not tell me. So we did not manage to raise the money, and we had to face the music, good thing is the hospital agreed to release and another one agreed to take us in. Heheheh! It is such a funny game, this game of life. It is a maze...with ways open always, but where they lead to, you will be surprised. It is during such times that you notice the cry babies, the tempered ones, and the ones with the God syndrome in the family. It is so amazing how the middle class (thats what i like to believe we are even though we can not afford the necessities of life) expect heaven to move for them. You find people who have been waiting the whole day for services and expect to be served before them, reason?, you a

Today was the day i was supposed to raise 500,000/- Kenyan shillings within 24hrs! My first reaction when i was told this by the hospital administration was to laugh it off...i mean, seriously? However, it did not take me long to realize i was the only one laughing. So here i was...with the task of raising half a million in 24hrs. I could not believe it and yet i could clearly see that these people were serious. My first reaction...was ACT! I went into action mode, listed all the places i could get this money, formulated texts and sent away. Secondly i called my famuliy members and presented the situation. It did not take log before i realized that nothing was gonna give Second reaction...Pray! As usual i did not have words to express myself, so i just repeated the same line to God hoping that He could hear me and work out some miracle. All i got was silence and very many question marks that kept me awake the whole night. Third reaction...Anger! To be frank, i was not expecting mu

I will sing the LORD's praise, for he has been good to me. Psalms 13:6 I can not remember any one point in my life when the Lord has not been good to me. I consider myself the most favored and loved person alive!  I am not saying i have the most or am at the best, but considering my background, it is amazing how far i have come. It is an anomaly...a miracle! Had it been left to life, i am pretty sure i would have ended up as a casual laborer in some farming fields in Birini (yeah...i know you have never heard of it), married to some old slimy man as the 8th wife!! Or as a house girl in Mtwapa working for some cruel family. But the Lord has been good to me...he has granted me favour and blessed me indeed. He makes my cup run over and i know that goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. For he granted me favour before all schools and i completed my studies, and right before i was done with school he gave me a job that ha sustained me and enabled me to cli

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8 Two days ago, my mum got out of the ICU! I am extremely grateful to my God and Lord Jesus Christ. Indeed the Lord is a mighty one, full of wonders and miraculous endeavors, His ways are indeed not our ways! I remember a week ago, Saturday morning when she crashed,...her blood pressure went to zero, she could not breath and was bleeding without end. The doctors called it' Crash 22'. Everyone was so pessimistic. The hospital staff especially all seemed so sure that she was not going to make it! The Hospital administrator called me to advise against life support saying that the time had come and that it was good to let go, after all, we will all die, she said. The nurse in charge, too, called me to ask how i was doing and emphasized that i should be ready to let my mum go! As i listened to all this advise and watched my grandmother and sister breakdown, all

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 I really do believe in the word of God...and i really do believe that God never gives you anything that you can not handle! Considering what the past two months have brought along, i think that God considers me and my sister Super Women! Am not saying we have had the worst ever thrown at us.., no, not at all! I do know that there are people who have had it worse. Two months ago, my biggest fear was how i was to sustain my sister and i, through university for four years, and yet all it cost was 140,000 in three months. I ranted, wrecked my brain and had sleepless nights over this. I was at a dead end and thought that all this was unfair!!! Well, today, this seems like child's play to me.With a medical bill of over one million shil