Thursday, 23 October 2014

Mystery is definitely a lady.

I just had to find the dictionary to be sure. And mystery is defined as something that is difficult to  understand or comprehend.

Talking of mystery somehow reminds me of a song by Kenny Rogers. I think I first heard this song when I was in high school. At my uncles place in buruburu. I remember thinking, wow! So powerful a message in so little words. And I fell in love with it.

It talks something about knowing when to hold on, fold out, walk away or when to run.

It has been said that a wise person always holds his cards close to his chest. Arms folded, palms on chest I assume?

Recently, my folding resilience was tested. I had to look people in the eye and pretend that nothing was going on. Hide critical information. Participate in forming plans that I knew I would not be executing. And not give a clue away. I had to be mysterious.

Well, I think I may have pulled it off. Of course, coupled with me ending up with sweating palms,  smelly armpits, trembling legs, anxiety, an almost loose bladder and am pretty sure high blood pressure.

I, have never known how to fold my arms to my chest for long. I always end up stretching them out. I am,often, an open book. A pitifully honest person at times.

Think of those  once famous hostage movies where where everyone is armed to the tilt. And then, comes this negotiator who goes in completely unarmed. It seems crazy and stupid. But it always works out in the end.
And yeah,  I know that  it is because it is just a movie.

But, is it possible that in a world where people expect you to always have some explosive hidden under your vest, coming out unarmed is actually more shocking and unarming?

Could it be that hiding information and acting mysterious actually prevents you too from using it? Forcing you to play the equation in your opponents perspective?

They say mystery is a lady...hehe! Well, then I think I can  now understand why female suppression dates back to creation. Mystery is a b****!!!

I would choose painfully honest over mystery to fight my wars any day.
I know it sounds stupid and naive, but I think stretching your arms out often knocks the wind out of people more than we can imagine.

But hey, that's just me, musing over nothing.

Monday, 20 October 2014

The things we do for handsome faces..

I arrived at the booking office so early. My bus was leaving at 11:00, and 8:00 found me seated waiting. I was restless.

Well at about 10:00 one of the bus staff approached to inform me that the 11:00 bus had been cancelled, so she was to fix in one of the early busses. And the available one was the 10:00 bus, almost last seat.

I was furious. But accepted nevertheless. What was I to do? And so I boarded the bus.

After pushing and heaving with my luggage to the back of the bus, only to find someone already on the seat I was to occupy,  I was almost exploding with anger.

I mentally prepared for a fight... and nudged his shoulder.

Instead, he looked up, beautifully smiled and asked

'Forty-one?'

I looked at his face. A young man,  maybe in his early to mid twenties. Beautiful eyes and lips. Symetrically perfect face and chiselled cheek bones. Handsome.

I could not help but smile.., my killer smile,

'Yes' I replied.

'Sorry,  I am leaving. Just a minute'

'No, take your time. No problem.' I quickly replied, surprising myself.

After waiting for about five minutes, I tapped his arm.

'Which is your seat again?' I asked.

'Forty-six, The last row' he answered.  Smiling wickedly. 

'Okay, I will take your seat' I said. Smiling back.

Okay was all he said.

' Okay' I answered.  Thrilled and mad at my self.

I settled down, heaved a sigh of relief and prepared for a very bumpy ride.

The things we do for handsome faces. Nkt! !

On the bright side, he kept checking on me to see if i was ok, and giving me those wicked smiles for the next eight hours of the journey.

And through it all, i could not help but steal glances once in a while, and giggling to myself.

It was worth it after all. :-)

Monday, 13 October 2014

Should We Just Shut Up Already?


A few months back, a group of friends and I were on a fun weekend in the Kenyan highlands. It was the usual crowd, two couples and one or two singles. I was one half of the couples.

Now, my friends and I are a crowd of people that most of the time do not know how to hide things.  We say it as it is, laugh as loud as we can and get mad like hell when we have to. We are honest people, falling somewhere in between civilized humans and drama queens.

And in such a crowd, it is very normal once in a while to witness disagreements and various bursts of emotions among ourselves. Not too bad, though, because we always find a way to work them out. And that is exactly what happened. A couple of disagreements here and there. And I thought this was very normal behavior.

Until I met this very beautiful couple who were so in sync and agreeable to one another that it was unbelievable. For the week that I was with them, this couple worked side by side without even as much as a question to each other. It was as if they could read each others mind. They agreed to everything the other said and were all 'hun and swts' over each other.

I was very impressed. Extremely impressed.
And i just had to ask. The secret to their harmony.

It was simple I was told, the woman knew when and where to speak and when not to. Full stop.

This reminded me of a time once when a friend of mine told me that in a relationship, all a man needs is three things -: 'Food, Sex and Silence' Though not necessarily in that order. Simple.

The problem is, i always find myself involved in some sort of back and forth exchanging of words at one point or another. Whether its about where to eat, what to do, or whether the day looks like a Sunday or a Monday. I will always be countering somebody's statement. In a good way though. :-)

Luckily, i was told that you learn these things. How to behave in front of people with your significant other. How you agree to your partners statements without a blink even when you clearly have a different opinion. How you touch each others arm and shoulder just at the right time in a conversation, just for solidarity.

A very respectable colleague of mine says she has been able to sustain a 30 year old relationship based on this. She never opposes the husband, only speaks when she is spoken to in public and always lets the husband lead and make decisions in front of people. And as  she says it has never failed her.

There is  a verse in the Bible  that clearly states, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."

And thus, I can not help myself wondering, is it a fallacy then that you can have a good honest conversation with your partner and agree to disagree, and move on?
What happened to marrying someone who intellectually challenges you? Who will tell you as it is and correct you when you are wrong? What happened to marrying your friend, whom you can tell everything and anything? What happened to a good juicy conversation and argument?

Are we kidding ourselves in trying to get too comfortable with our partners and becoming too familiar with one another at the expense of respect and long lasting families?

Should we go back to a time when a woman's opinion mattered only if it was solicited? Is that what makes relationships work?

Well, maybe.., or maybe not. 

Meredith Duran once said that "For a woman's words to wound, it would require a man to listen first"

Could it be possible, then, that the solution to so many problems in relationships then could be for the woman to shut up already?

Well, whatever the case,  “If she'd just kept her mouth shut, she would have been perfect, but no.." is not a sentence i wish to have used in my reference. So let me just shut up, already.