Should We Just Shut Up Already?

A few months back, a group of friends and I were on a fun weekend in the Kenyan highlands. It was the usual crowd, two couples and one or two singles. I was one half of the couples.

Now, my friends and I are a crowd of people that most of the time do not know how to hide things.  We say it as it is, laugh as loud as we can and get mad like hell when we have to. We are honest people, falling somewhere in between civilized humans and drama queens.

And in such a crowd, it is very normal once in a while to witness disagreements and various bursts of emotions among ourselves. Not too bad, though, because we always find a way to work them out. And that is exactly what happened. A couple of disagreements here and there. And I thought this was very normal behavior.

Until I met this very beautiful couple who were so in sync and agreeable to one another that it was unbelievable. For the week that I was with them, this couple worked side by side without even as much as a question to each other. It was as if they could read each others mind. They agreed to everything the other said and were all 'hun and swts' over each other.

I was very impressed. Extremely impressed.

And i just had to ask. The secret to their harmony.

It was simple I was told, the woman knew when and where to speak and when not to. Full stop.

This reminded me of a time once when a friend of mine told me that in a relationship, all a man needs is three things -: 'Food, Sex and Silence' Though not necessarily in that order. Simple.

The problem is, i always find myself involved in some sort of back and forth exchanging of words at one point or another. Whether its about where to eat, what to do, or whether the day looks like a Sunday or a Monday. I will always be countering somebody's statement. In a good way though. :-)

Luckily, i was told that you learn these things. How to behave in front of people with your significant other. How you agree to your partners statements without a blink even when you clearly have a different opinion. How you touch each others arm and shoulder just at the right time in a conversation, just for solidarity.

A very respectable colleague of mine says she has been able to sustain a 30 year old relationship based on this. She never opposes the husband, only speaks when she is spoken to in public and always lets the husband lead and make decisions in front of people. And as  she says it has never failed her.

There is  a verse in the Bible  that clearly states, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."

And thus, I can not help myself wondering, is it a fallacy then that you can have a good honest conversation with your partner and agree to disagree, and move on?

What happened to marrying someone who intellectually challenges you? Who will tell you as it is and correct you when you are wrong? What happened to marrying your friend, whom you can tell everything and anything? What happened to a good juicy conversation and argument?

Are we kidding ourselves in trying to get too comfortable with our partners and becoming too familiar with one another at the expense of respect and long lasting families?

Should we go back to a time when a woman's opinion mattered only if it was solicited? Is that what makes relationships work?

Well, maybe.., or maybe not. 

Meredith Duran once said that "For a woman's words to wound, it would require a man to listen first"

Could it be possible, then, that the solution to so many problems in relationships then could be for the woman to shut up already?

Well, whatever the case,  “If she'd just kept her mouth shut, she would have been perfect, but no.." is not a sentence i wish to have used in my reference. So let me just shut up, already.