The Musings of Kajuzi!

So, I will first begin by saying that, I have never been the kind of person who follows the crowd...no, I have never been a follower. I have always enjoyed patching my own way. Not because I consider myself   any special (but truthfully, I do ;-), ) but because I find it much easier. There are no rules, no expectations, no baselines...you are allowed to just be. It saves you so much energy. And the icing on the cake, it enables you to stand out...which, at the end of the day, is what we ladies are aiming at. Because standing out means that you get attention! And, Bingo., you are Home!   :-) Secondly, I was born in a house of three very beautiful,   independent and intelligent women; raised in a family that is literally   run by women, who are not afraid at all to speak their minds and will have no other way apart from their way. And socialized in a village, (our village has almost 500 inhabitants; You see my seven grandfathers lived in the same piece of land,...

These days my mind and emotions seem to be moving at a speed that i can not keep up with. They seem to have taken a life of their own! It amazes me at times...sometimes i feel like there are so many things clogged up there that want to come out...and my hands and mouth cant keep up. I always feel like i need an audience to tell something, anything and everything. And then again i feel like, the audience does not get me, or what am saying. Sometimes i don't know whether i want to cry or laugh. It is a roller coaster, a battle of some kind within me. It is frustrating i tell you, very frustrating. Yesterday marked exactly one month since that fateful day. Yes, a month...and it feels like yesterday. Now, it was pointed out to me that there is nothing else i talk about these days, apart from what happened. So i am really trying my best, for the past four hours, to talk of something else apart from that. I will even go a step further...i will not even mention it here, at least in ...

The death of a human being is something that i have really been struggling to comprehend lately. I don't know where souls go after they die.., i have never really wanted to know. But since the passing on of my mum, i cant help but wonder where she is. I really cant fathom that a person who is here today can just vanish into nothingness tommorow. I just cant understand that a human being who is breathing this moment, can just go into numbness the next moment. The day my mum died is a day that i will keep replaying in my mind over and over again for a long time to come.There are so many things about that day that i just dont understand. When i was told my mum had died.., i just stared, i felt numb, i felt nothing. I could not believe it...i could not even imagine how she could be dead. Up until then...the word death held no meaning whatsoever to me. I remember walking up to the ICU, in the midst of wailing and screaming from my cousins and aunts. Most of them wanted to hold me...

What is the biggest mistake you have ever made in your life? The other day i was out with friends having a drink trying so hard not to think about the state of my life at the moment. And as the rounds went by, we jumped from one topic to another and interestingly we ended up at the question above. Am not sure if that is exactly how it was phrased but am pretty sure (as fuzzy as i was) that that was what was meant. I can tell you that the answers that went round were quite interesting. I really had a blast, and a very quick but cherished peek into the lives of the people surrounding me. And i tell you there is nothing as good as getting to know people when drinks are involved ;-). It is life-bonding and magical, heheheh! However, when it came to my turn, my mind went blank! I kept asking myself, what is the biggest mistake i have ever done? That most shocking thing, the thing that i look back and cringe, or maybe laugh my head off wondering how i ever got the guts to do that. And fu...