Let's See Where We Wake Up Tomorrow...
Adam Levine famously sang that 'the best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand.' I loved that song, Lost Stars.
There are many times i have wished i was that random girl who could decide to go watch a live band at Mocha-Locha barely 20 minutes to 5 pm on a Friday evening, just because a dude said he has 2 extra tickets. The girl who would take a guy's hand and see where they wake up tomorrow.
But i was never that girl.
I have always been the girl who makes a plan, and then spends half the time worrying that things are not going according to plan.
I never do things for the sake. I always have the big picture in mind. I have this constant need to know why i am taking certain actions and what they contribute to the larger picture . I have been told that i never do things that are not for my own benefit in the full circle, which apparently comes off as selfish and narcissistic. :(
But don't get me wrong, i am not all BOOORING... I am at the same time very spontaneous and consciously try to make an effort to redeem myself .., i mean, i am the girl who six months ago, packed her backs and left what most would call a very promising job with great pay and benefits, to do... well.., nothing! (Not really, but lets take that definition for now)
The thing is...2 and 1/2 years ago, I married this handsome, literally 'out of reach' and 'unavailable' man whose extra dry jokes occasionally make me laugh (Lol!). He is everything that i had hoped for.., and even more because our kind of relationship has allowed me, for the past 6 years, to have someone who had my back, and yet was way far away enough to give me the independence and personal space that i have always loved and gotten used to.
I literally cried when he popped the question, not only because i was so smitten... (of course i was), but because i was bat shit scared of all that came with it. I mean, at that time i could count with one finger the people i knew who had the marriage thing working!
Well...The whirlwind that followed as our families got immersed into dowry payment and wedding preparations swept me off my feet and it was almost one and a half years later that i got my head back in place.
And so begun our long-distance marriage.
One evening,recently, with Mr. Man away from our Mombasa home and off to some country in Europe, and I away from our Nakuru home, out in the field somewhere in rural Kenya, my cousin called to catch up on the family gossip. And apparently, everyone was wondering why the hell i got married (and gave people all the hustle) if I was going to half ass it!
The question hit me so hard, i could not breath for about 10 seconds, trying to let it sink in. And if you don't know, i NEVER half ass anything. Especially things that matter to me.
And the reason why i had not upped my life to follow Mr. Man? It was simple really.., that was not anywhere in my plan!!!
Being the independent woman i had been brought up to be and the feminist that i am learning to be, here i was, faced by the age old dilemma that marriage and career brings with it. To be frank i had thought that i would juggle both without changing much... but boy was i in for a rude shock. After 2 years of crazy time zones and constant traveling.., the effects were evident. The truth was, i was not that crazy about my job at that time and yet i was not very sure if i wanted the traditional married life that society wanted me to have.
Nowhere in all my dreams had i envisioned myself leaving everything i had worked so hard for to follow a man. The whole idea was not only against everything that i stood for, but against everything that i had seen and experienced in life. I was torn.
But then i remembered the many times i had started over before. When all i could see was all the loss behind me. When i reluctantly left the shores, only to embark on new adventures that opened doors and opportunities for growth and learning. The times when i set out all alone, and despite the fear, i thrived. I remembered the thrill of the unknown, the excitement of adventure and the challenge of new ventures. And i remembered the ache of waiting and the joy of coming home to my best friend.
Well fast forward to today, and here i am packing up my life and moving halfway across the world for... drum rolls please...yap, you guessed it... Mr. man!!!
You know, when we first started dating, during those long night talks when you tell each other secrets and lies, one of the things i told Mr. Man was that i wanted to travel the world and live abroad. And he replied that he would make it happen, and then we laughed it off... aaah the innocence of new relationships. And then... here we are..., it is very clearly said that we should be careful what we wish for, i should have seen it coming.
As i walk towards him, the cold winter air hitting my face, eagerly embracing the start of this new unplanned chapter, in a foreign land and towards a totally different life than i had imagined, i want to take in this moment and appreciate how perfect and exciting my life is right now. And to remember it as it is for those times when i forget why i took this step.
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