My specialty, my calling!

I have always believed that if you can see it, then you can get it. I developed the habit of creating mental images of what I want very early in life. If I wanted a new dress, then I would imagine myself in a new dress ( including color and pattern) days or even months before it even happened. I created mental images of all the things I aspired for.., and I mean all!!! If I really wanted it then I would have a very detailed picture of it.

However, I never had a specific image of what I wanted to be when I grow up. At times I saw myself as an artist (heheh! I do good drawings and paintings at times,, by the way), and others as a secretary, a nurse or something else! I never had a clear picture of what I wanted to become, but during my last years of campus, I had this recurring image.

"I would see myself dressed in 6 inch heels, an impeccable short skirt suit, long sleek hair and bright red lipstick. In this picture, I was always walking on a long modern high tech corridor rushing to a meeting, which I would be chairing. I loved this image, to me, it gave a sense of an accomplished young woman who was happy with where she was,  knew what she wanted, and was not afraid to go for it."

Fast track 2 years down the line and here I was going to work in jeans and a t-shirt wearing rubber shoes and a 'leso' to top it up! The modern high tech corridor replaced by very dusty footpaths.

For quite a while, I could not put into words exactly what I did for a living. I remember once, an organizational auditor asked me what my area of specialization is, and I broke down into laughter.

Eventually, I decided to tell him that I am in programs!!! According to me then, i had no specialization really, I was not doing what I studied for and I had not studied what I was doing! The best I could say to someone about what I did was I work with an NGO, full stop.

I finally figured it out, and here it is. I work in the livelihoods department  of a national NGO, in a project that aims at empowering women in the rural part of Mtwapa, Kilifi County.

 I implement an approach called the Self Help Approach that aims at establishing an institution of rural women who are empowered economically, socially and politically to enable them raise their voices towards the change they want, which includes addressing their household and community needs thereby eradicating poverty, increasing household income while empowering the girl child and woman in rural Kenya.

Now my job in this grand plan is to do everything and anything necessary to ensure that this big picture is achieved. So I do everything...from sweeping tree shades for a meeting, to sitting in national and international forums, from office administration to accounts, you name it, I do it. My everyday interactions are with village folk; men, women and children, under the scorching sun, in school compounds, at water points, in their shambas and in village barazas.

And my days, well, they are unpredictable. Sometimes I get to sit in the office to write lengthy reports, go door knocking on different offices or travel all over Kenya spreading the approach to rural women. However, most of my days begin with a one hour 'bodaboda' ride to either one of the 13 villages that I work with in rural Mtwapa. There, I tie my Kanga and sit down with the village women and discuss about everything … their aspirations, dreams, challenges, opportunities and their action plans. But sometimes, we just sit in their huts and do nothing but talk about their husbands!!! :-)

Well, this is definitely not what I had in mind when I was picturing my career, but I think here, in the midst of abundant laughter and scarce resources, I found my calling. There is something so amazing about a child smiling up at you as you wipe off mucus from his nose, and about a grown up woman calling you aside to ask for your opinion about something, that I just cherish.

Here, i mastered the art of speaking my mind without fear, I learnt to say 'no' and firmly stick to my decisions, I learnt to accept praise with humility and my failures with my head held high. I learnt to bear the joys and burdens of leadership without complaining. I developed a steady hand, a persevering heart, strong shoulders and a quick foot,  and most of all I learnt what my job exactly entails, which is to change the the lives of these people, these families, these communities.

 To tell you the truth, I think the only suit I remember wearing was the one I wore during the period when I was job hunting, and it was a borrowed one, by the way! However,  I think 14 year old me would be very proud to see me today, an accomplished young woman who is aware of who she has become,  thinks she knows what she wants, and is not afraid to go for it!

Granted,  I am still trying to figure out what my area of specialization should or could be, but right now i have learnt to be everything to someone and something to everyone, just at the moment when it is needed.