Do i dare Disturb the Universe?


'Don’t mock the restless and the discontented. They change the world. The rest just accept and settle.' ~ Anonymous.

It is official, I am a very restless and discontented human being! I hope you get what I mean. Its not that I am so ungrateful, no.  I am just not so good in ok situations and often very unhappy in uneventful environments. I like running up and down doing 'something'. And if I cant do that, then I bury myself in books, movies or run off to my safe place, my sanctuary, my head!

Yesterday, I got to watch one of the greatest movies ever made in 2013. The Butler. And I wept my eyes out. So here is this old man, loyal and committed to the status quo no matter how much it hurt him. Served almost six American administrations in the white house. He knew his place and kept to it. Did the best he could. Outside, others were fighting for change. He survives it all. And gets to see the glorious end in 2008.
But I went to bed wondering, what was his role in all this? What part did he play to bring about this change? It is based on a true story, yes. And the fact that they made a movie about this man means that there is some significance to him, but what was it really?

I have said before that I have reached that point in my life where nothing scares me. Well, I think I have been lying to you and myself!

Ask me again what my greatest fear is...i dare you to ask me. ( Fine, you don’t have to insist, I will tell you anyway!)

The last six months, so many things have happened. More action than I have ever had the past two years. And I am not talking only bad stuff, I mean good things too. Work stuff, relationships, financials, family, social etc. You name it and I can give you three things that are better than they were 12 months ago. And I am grateful and happy.

However, at some point, this question just could not leave my mind, 'Is this really all that life is about?' I mean, so what if I have a job, and lets say I get married and have babies, and own a beautiful home and have enough money to do all I could ever want and take care of my family. And then what? or is it so what?

Have you ever wondered why you are here? Is there really something out there that only you is meant to do? Are we that significant really? Or is it just a game of musical chairs and chance that we are doing and if you don’t get to sit, then you are simply out. No hard feelings really, just the rules of the game. And if you get to the end, then good for you, you will have seen it all, like the Butler.

I know, the above question, it is such a cliché question.And most of us would rather wake up go to work, provide for our families and go back to your bed at night. But do you think maybe there is more to life than that?

I am at point in life where I am yearning for more than all this. For some reason I feel like there is something out there that has just been waiting for me. To be frank, I could just be crazy or undergoing some kind of early mid-life crisis, because the funny thing is I have no freaking idea what that thing is!

So, as I begin 2014, I dare disturb the universe. To question, to inquire, to search. To embark on a journey, that most critical journey to find my purpose, my reason for being here. If it so happens that I don’t find it, then at least am going to have a hell of ride trying. And I am not going to rest until I am finally home.

And to answer your question, well, my greatest fear is to not leave a mark, any mark at all,  in the world. To be mediocre. To fade into oblivion and have no one remember me.  To  die with all this value and treasures inside me without having shared it with the universe. To be a failure. That...that is my greatest fear.

Because the truth is, I feel it to the core of my bones that I was born to do great things. I know it. And its not just my ego speaking.., trust me. ;-)

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